Following my passion or jumping off a cliff?
It is probably one and the same, and most of the time we just don't know if we will figure out how to fly or crash into the ground.
I am writing about a slightly different topic this evening. I am in the midst of one of those transitional times in life. I know one chapter is coming to a close and I am moving into a new phase in life. It may not look like it on the outside to those who know me, but I feel it in my bones, the bones of someone moving into her elder years. I did not say “senior”, just “elder”. I prefer to think of it as “the Queen era”, tucked inbetween menopause and the Crone years.
There comes a time for women when one is done putting up with nonsense from others. Menopause brings that about. You gain a different perspective after living through multiple people-pleasing phases when you thought you were never good enough, when the terror of being alone outweighed the escapades of people who were your friends, lovers, family and who you thought had your back but really were so mixed up themselves they did not even have their own backs.
Years of living through initiatory experiences, break ups, deaths of loved ones, gain and loss of friendships, all the ups and downs of life, I have taken some time to review where I was then and where I am now. I am in the midst of my Saturn Return and that demands looking at the balance sheet of one’s life.
I look back on that daring young girl, hiking through the ponderosa pine forests as quietly as I possibly could be, hoping I would spot a mountain lion, no fear in my bones, just a passionate expectation that maybe, just maybe, I would spot one of those big, beautiful cats. That young girl, under 10, felt her safest wandering through wild woods with wild animals.
I look back on the student who stood up in front of the veterinary school faculty and student body to introduce speakers on homeopathy, chiropractic care, and acupuncture when it really was far out on the fringe. Her passion overrode any fear of humiliation or jeers from the farm boys in the back row.
I look back on the new graduate who moved out to a town that prided itself on being the low-rider capital of the United States, tucked in between 2 Indian reservations, to take care of an animal population that mirrored the injured, wounded, traumatized human population.
I look back on the young veterinarian who could not find a clinic with the same values as her, so she struck out on her own to create a practice that reflected her values and allowed her to advocate for her patients, on a shoestring budget.
All of those courageous, adventurous selves jumped off that proverbial cliff because, in her mind, to remain where she was, was not an option. Sometimes not having a safety net provides the very motivation required to dig down deep inside and use passion and creativity to bring about the life you desire.
Twenty-five years later, I realize that practice supported me financially and spiritually, because it gave me a way to be of service. It brought many amazing supporters and teachers into my life, found in both the human clients and the animal patients. They all have taught me as much as I helped them, in whatever small way I could, and often at the roughest times of saying good-bye.
Today I am witnessing my profession head off in a direction that I never expected, being bought out by private equity. At the same time that many veterinarians are leaving the profession, I see other veterinarians following in the footsteps I created decades ago, risking security to do what they love, with integrity. I also see pet parents and animal lovers searching for a different way of healing, of making whole our relationship with these other species.
We are all living through a time of collective transformation, as humanity stands at the edge of that proverbial cliff. We can continue to try to do things as we always have, and stagnate or perish as the ground disintegrates under us or we can muster the courage to take flight and try something different, to perhaps answer our heart’s calling, to listen to the tiny voice inside leading us on a different path forward.
Moving into my “Queen years”, I am offering up some of the lessons learned and experience gathered during those times I chose to jump off the cliff, reaching for my heart’s desire. It was not always easy. Most of the time it was scary and difficult without any guarantees except the knowing that I had given it a try. Quite a few times I crashed and even got burnt. My heart has a few ragged edges around it. But I do not regret any of it and would do it all over again if need be.
Life is short and flies by fast. It is time we get back to what really matters, to realize where our true safety net lies, in the land, under the sky and the sun, with the plants that feed and heal us and all the other species that we are intimately connected to whether we realize it or not.
It is time we gather in community, around the fire, or the kitchen table, or its modern equivalent the Zoom room, to tell stories, share experiences, and learn from one another.
It is we get ourselves back to the garden.
I came upon a child of God
He was walking along the road
And I asked him, "Where are you going?"
And this he told meI'm going on down to Yasgur's Farm
I'm gonna join in a rock and roll band
I'm gonna camp out on the land
I'm gonna try and get my soul freeWe are stardust
We are golden
And we've got to get ourselves
Back to the gardenThen can I walk beside you?
I have come here to lose the smog
And I feel to be a cog
In something turningWell, maybe it is just the time of year
Or maybe it's the time of man
I don't know who I am
But you know life is for learningWe are stardust
We are golden
And we've got to get ourselves
Back to the gardenBy the time we got to Woodstock
We were half a million strong
And everywhere there was song and celebrationAnd I dreamed I saw the bombers
Riding shotgun in the sky
And they were turning into butterflies
Above our nationWe are stardust
Billion year old carbon
We are golden.
Caught in the devil's bargain
And we've got to get ourselves
Back to the garden.-Joni Mitchell
If you are looking for a community, or a foundation for living and becoming whole, check out my community Gateway to Gaia. I will be leading a group of adventurers through the wheel of the year and the 5 Element cycle of creation over the next 12 months in “Be Your Pet’s Hero”. I also have Basic memberships available.
There is still time to join us!
my saturn return was a few years back, being an Elder you get to relax more and hopefully you got the lessons that give you the patience to take things more in the time they need to sort out.I too was the child in the woods,running with the rabbits and dawn til dust it was my paradise....thank you Josie,love your work ,posts, and heart!!!
As a fellow Elder, who is also in the queen era, your words resonate with me in such a profound way.
I too was a precocious young girl who left home at age 17 and got my doctorate degree in pharmacy and finished an 8 year program in 5 years by doing 3 semesters a year, 30 units + labs each semester. I didn’t know any better. I finished 3rd in my class at 22 years old. Just like you Josie. . I did a residency and fellowship and found myself in a clinician/teacher role at 26 yrs old. I had doubters all around me. I didn’t care, I took it all on because I knew my stuff. I turned doctors into believers. That was 40 yrs ago. I cannot believe how my profession changed right before my eyes.
I walked away when I knew that the Hippocratic oath of “do no harm” was violated by bureaucracy and big pharma and greed. It tore me apart.
I took up scuba diving as a release from work. My instructor was a Navy Seal in the Vietnam war so I was in the best of hands. He also was world renowned underwater photographer and videographer. It was like living in a fairytale. I swam with pelagic fish and was included in giant schools of dogtooth tuna as if I belonged. I dove shipwrecks from WWII. I found the rarest nudibrachs that were no bigger than my thumbnail. It was like Alice in Wonderland only under water. It was magical. It restored me in such a way that I could continue to work and continue to help patients and teach residents.
Your community feels like home to me Josie. I can not wait to dive deeper into the elements of creation and traditional Chinese medicine and to learn from each other how to best become an old healthy Crone.